I am not going to pretend like I know the answer to a successful marriage that will guarantee a happy marriage for EVERYONE. We are all different and every relationship is different but there are a few fundamental keys my husband and I agree on; that has helped us have a mostly happy marriage. A happy marriage life does not mean a perfect marriage so I hope you like this post.
This post is written in celebration of five years of marriage to my university crush. In these 5 years, we have had our ups and downs but I can honestly say that we have a lot more ups than downs and I wanted to share our not secret tips which have given us a wonderfully happy marriage.
A bit of Background
I met my husband at university, I liked him but he didn’t like me. Fast forward a few years later, we both become Christians attending the same church. A year later, we started dating which lasted for 9 months, followed by 9 months of being engaged then the wedding and our first kiss at the altar. As Christians we agreed that we will abstain from any sexual activities until we got married, this included kissing, hugging and anything beyond that.
Don’t be, we were just following what the bible says, ‘
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a man can commit is outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 – It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
I do not share our story to make anyone feel bad if they have been sexually active. That is not my intention. I just want to share our truth with you.
So back to the point, in this short 5 years. The key tips for a happy marriage.
I start off with friendship because it is important that your spouse is your best friend, if you plan to spend the rest of your life with this person then being able to really enjoy each others company without it being sexual or romantic will accelerate the joy you experience with each other. My husband and I have been friends for 10 years and married for 5. He is my best friend and I look forward to him coming home so I have a friend to talk to after spending the whole day with the kids. Friendship creates an environment of honesty and transparency, which improves communication in marriage.
Learn how to say sorry: Forgive and Forget
When we first got married, for the first 6 months we didn’t really argue much. We were enjoying the ‘honeymoon phrase then it all changed. It felt like we were arguing all the time and it was exhausting. I say this to show that in every marriage, arguments are normal. What matters is what you do after the argument to settle your differences. We agreed that we will not go to bed angry, easier said than done but it is not impossible if you both agree to commit to this notion.
My key secret tip to forgiving and forgetting is: I ask myself, does being angry improve my marriage? If the answer is no then it’s not worth holding onto it. And believe it or not, if something doesn’t matter you will forget it.
Thoughts only go into the long-term memory if you put VALUE and EMOTION on the ACTION.
NO ONE REMEMBERS WHO SAID SORRY IN THE LONG RUN
Learn how to admit when you are wrong
I am not going to pretend I am the best at this. I have a lot of pride and I find it super hard to admit that I am wrong, especially when I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. However, over the years, I have learned that being at peace with your partner holds more value than pride. Being empathic and seeing how the other person’s’ point of view can help you have a happy marriage. This is a great advice for newlyweds. Save yourself for unnecessary heartache.
Finances are so important in marriage, money, and finances are the source of a lot of arguments and disagreements in a lot of marriages. I am a firm believer that if you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone then putting your finances together shouldn’t be an issue.
The trick to a good being united with your finances – Have 4 bank accounts. 1 joint account for all of your income and bills, 2 individual accounts for your own personal allocated money and 1 joint savings account. This system creates accountability and togetherness.
Future Aspirations- set goals with your partner
Having future aspiration together is so important because it gives you something to work towards, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. My husband and I want to preach the gospel one day, this gives us the vision to aim towards beyond our relationship. We have a greater goal than to just get married and have children. What are you and your spouse hoping to achieve together?
Bonus: Happy Marriage Life Tips – Great Advice for Newlyweds
- Laugh together – if you are not married yet and you have a partner, if you are unable to laugh together then marriage will be super boring
- Keep choosing each other– You partner is not supposed to make you happy, you have to learn to make yourself happy and find peace within yourself. When you are emotionally secure then you have room to choose your spouse over yourself.
- Always make it your duty to get to know your spouse – People are always changing so make an effort to get to know your partner regularly,
- Don’t stop dating after marriage – I am a cheapo so I value quality time ( That’s my). Going for a walk makes me happy. Do whatever you have to do to spend time with each other especially after having children
- Keeping scores gets you nowhere – a tit for tat mentality will destroy your union.
I hope you have enjoyed this blogpost, please do comment and share my content with others who will benefit.